Tell Me We Both Matter Dont We Riku?
by Madnix
Summary: This is going to be allot from riku's POV this is about Riku being completely broken and torn apart because all the things he has left unsaid with sora Riku gets very suicidal, and Sora will have to be the one to make him alright,will he return the feel
1. Chapter 1 Broken

.**one.**

**.broken.**

***Riku***

"**Goodbye"**

**I reached over and grabbed the fimalier object and soon felt the starange cold feeling ageist my skin.**

**And I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.**

**How could I do this to you again?**

**I let out I slight sigh of relief and gave myself a minute to take it all in.**

**It was so typically me. And I new this was going to hurt you again…**

**You have no idea why I do this to myself. This isn't what I should be doing right now I should be with you and her… I hated her. I hated her and how she changed you, how she tried to take you away from me. I hated that I had the worst anxiety in the whole world and how I forgot how to breathe when you weren't by my side . **

**I heard a knock on my apartment door and quickly pressed harder.**

**Watching the crimson red pool over my arms,**

**I knew I was messing up one more time. And slipping into a complete abyss.**

**And I new were I would soon find myself.**

**The last thing I can remember was a soft "Riku" slipping from your lips and you calling someone**

**Maybe you were calling her to tell her the good news.**

**The sound of sierince quickly flooded my ears and I remember laying there looking up at your innocent blue eyes wishing I could take it all back.**

**_______________________________________________**

***dreaming***

"**you know were you really belong and you don't mean a thing to him"**

"**Take it back… your lying" I screamed at the dark figure.**

"**He doesn't need you and we all wish you were dead."**

"**What… no.. he wouldn't"**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

"**Sora?" I screamed. as I quickly shot up out of bed and broke into a cold sweat. Were was I? how did I get here? A headache rushed to my head and I had never been so confused.**

**I took another look around and every thing came back to me… it hit me so hard.**

**Me,You,Her,Us no.. no I DIDN'T I couldn't how? I managed to let you get to me one more time.**

**I fell into complete darkness I slipped and this time it all consumed me. **

**And more than anything I was wising you were here.**

**I could only see myself falling further… all over again.**

**I need you, and I could only imagine how much you would hate me for this.**

"**Riku your okay" Your fimalier voice quickly pulled me back into reality. His beautiful pink complication had been completely flushed and he had huge black circles under his eyes and I could tell sleep was one of the last things he had been doing.**

"**What are you doing here?" I spat out, sounding more mad at myself.**

**I felt like my head was going to explode and I couldn't stand to look at him. I hated seeing you like this and I hated even more knowing that I was the cause of it. I finally found the confidence to look you in the eye and managed to choke out a short "im so sorry Sora."**

"**Why do you always have to do this to me?" he raised his voice and shot me a look with his piercing blue eyes and I swear he knew what I was thinking. His anger quickly faded and the corner of his eyes began to tear up. All I do is mess up and I swear I will never let this happen again.**

"**I don't know" my headache quickly spred to my stomach and at this point I was thinking maybe he would be better if I wasn't here. Maybe his life would be easier with out me.**

**I needed him though.**

"**I mean I don't even know what happened me and you and kairi were all supposed to meet up and you never…. Showed up and" he choked up and the tears ran down his cheeks " I mean I called you and you didn't pick up. …So I drove to your house, and…. It scared me so bad" he let out more tears and I don't think I have ever hurt him so bad before. " Come here" he leaned in and I wipped off his tears before he started to speak again. "And you didn't answer when I knocked and I had a bad feeling in my stomach so I let my self in and found you passed out on the bathroom floor… I need you Riku I need you. Its me and you agienst the world and I need to be with you. And I will never leave your side and I WILL always be here.**

**he shouted at me and I was at a lose of words, and all I could manage to choke out was "Im sorry"**

**I was so pathetic and I new he didn't need my shit. " its just… I don't know" I had no idea what to tell him and in no way did I want to make this situation more complicated. I looked at my wrist and there was an IV filled with blood going into me…another blood transfusion ,and I wondered if I was close "How bad was it" I asked.**

**He managed to clam down and look at me "You were so close, they said it was so unlikely you were going to make it" "Im tough though some stupid cut isn't going to kill me!" he let out a small laugh. How could I do this to the boy that meant the world to me the boy who faced all my problems the boy I loved with my whole heart I never meant for it to be like this. I feel as if I have lost something and that the darkness can no longer consume me. There was a long pause after that and I could hardly stand the sielnce."So… when do I get to leave" I tried to but the upbeat back into my voice.**

" **The doctor said a little later today. And you are going to come back and stay at my apartment with me for a few days… there is no way you are going to be able to take care of yourself" I didn't want him to have to take care of me. Not after what I did to him.**

"**No ill be fine" **

"**Your coming with me so just man up and deal with it" he said frustrated.**

**I could tell there was no way I was going to win this battle. "Okay" I agreed after a long pause. He looked satisfied with him self knowing that he won. And the last thing I can remember was drifting asleep.**

**________________________________________________________________________--**

"**Riku…..Riku" I felt a slight tap on my shoulder.**

"**What?" I said drowsily.**

"**Its time to go home"**


	2. Chapter 2 Tatterd

i no its short!

lol

and kinda sucks but the next one is like wayy better :)

_____________________________________________________________________

**.Two.**

**.Tatterd.**

***Riku***

**I took in a deep breath and glanced around my apartment for the last time,**

**So this was it?**

**I gathered the last few things and closed the door on my soon to be past.**

**I placed the last box in the car and stood back looking at how much I had just fit into my shitty black 1994 Honda.**

**I fumbled around trying to find my keys.**

"**wonderful" I said as I dropped them on the ground, the last thing I wanted to do was have to get a good view of my arms.**

**I sighed and bent down to get them, I cringed at the sight of scars all over my wrist's I had been hopelessly trying to ignore.**

**I felt myself get glassy eyed.**

"**How could I have done this to you?"**

**I whispered. As a few tears ran down my cheeks. **

**I quickly regretted packing all my hoodies away.**

**God I was pathetic,**

**Love leaves no scar…id never heard such a lie before.**

**What a mess I had made of all this, I was about to break down again.**

**I rubbed at my eyes trying to halt the flow of the saltwater.**

**I'm pretty sure this is the definition of when it all goes to hell.**

**I jumped into the drivers side and jiggled with my keys in the ignition for a good five minutes, this was a "routine" thing and finally my ears were flooded with the roar of the engine.**

**I blasted I caught fire the whole way over to Sora's.**

**I sang along "every second im with out you im a mess"**

**This song got me completely.**

**It felt like forever away and I was dieing to get out of the car.**

**_______________________________________________________________________**

**It was nearly eight by the time I pulled up.**

"**Riku!" a familiar voice shouted,**

**I soon saw his bouncy brown hair as he immerged out of his apartment,**

"**welcome home" he threw his arms around me and I couldn't help but smile and I wanted to live in this one single moment for the rest of forever.**

**____________________________________________________________**

**Hours later I was all unpacked and I honestly had no idea how we had accomplished this, between kicking his ass at guitar hero and me googling at his perfection, but none the less I was.**

**He gave me the spare room next to his and I was ready to call it a night.**


	3. Chapter 3 Falling

**.Three.**

**.Falling.**

***Riku***

**I woke up hard as fuck wanting you more than anything,**

**Wanting to feel you beneath me, feel your cool breath against my skin,**

**Wrap your fragile body in my arms,**

**Whisper in your ear how much I loved you,**

**Why couldn't I fucking say it? WHY? I felt the rush come trying to hold back the anger pulsing through me, I let out a slight scream I was quickly regretting, hoping I didn't wake him.**

**Why? I was about to lose it again I grabbed my lighter and jumped out the window, I needed to smoke.**

**It was one of my many bad habits I knew he couldn't stand, It was either this or dismantle everything in the apartment though, I needed something to calm my nerves.**

**I took a drag as I walked along the shore line feeling the water grace over my toes,**

**I am strangely addicted to the cold air that lashes around my concrete heart.**

**I'm stuck in this other dimension starting at your perfection, I swear**

**I want to give you my everything, take care of you but it seems to be the complete other way around lately.**

**I let my mind get completely perplexed in my fantasy, the perfect world of me and you,**

"**Riku?" **

**Startled I shuttered and turned around to meet his beautiful blue eyes to mine,**

"**Sora? What are you doing out here?"**

**He looked absolutely freezing, his angelic face paler than usual.**

" **I heard you scream.. I thought something happened to you"**

"**no.. sora.. I'm fine" once again I had him worried, the FIRST night I was here, leave it up to me to never fail to fuck up.**

**He didn't look convinced,**

"**I got so worried I..I called Kairi and sh-"**

"**YOU CALLED KAIRI?!?"**

**I practically yelled,**

**I cant believe he called that self centered fat headed fire crotch to come look for me, god I hated her more than anything. She is going to make damn sure she stays tonight and make up the bad excuse that she's worried or some other complete lie!**

**I looked at the sleepy eyed brunette and didn't have the heart to stay mad,**

**I sighed "well.. We should probably get back to the apartment than."**

**He had his eyes glued to his feet, "I'm sorry"**

**I just yelled at him and HE was the one apologizing,**

**It was breaking my heart,**

**I didn't know what to say,**

**I wrapped my jacket around him,**

"**come on" I said as I smiled and tried to lighten the mood,**

"**I'm the sorry one sora, and I didn't mean to worry you.. It wont happen again,"**

**I said firmly, he looked up at me with his piercing blue eyes that tore me to pieces.**

"**promise?"**

"**would this face lie?" I stuck my tongue out at him**

**He started to giggle,**

"**Riku! I hate you" he said playfully**

"**aww Sora I love you too" I said in a complete sarcastic tone,**

**If only it would come out in the way I needed him to hear it.**

**He furrowed his brows, frustrated with me I imagine.**

"**oh come on!" I tugged him along and he half heartedly fallowed behind me**

**____________________________________________**

"**Riku I was so worried" a voice shrieked **

**_______________________________________________________________________**

**If anyone decides to read this please leave a review**

**I love you 3**


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